Monday, 13 August 2007

Swearing Mothers, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys

I trust you’re all well this fine Monday morning. I spent my weekend at a country music convention up in Aylesbury and had a marvellous time hoedowning and yee-hawing to the best of Dolly Parton, Freddy Fender, and Conway Twitty. The only disappointment was to get back late last night to discover that I’d offended the Swearing Mother by not initially including her in my thoughtful blogger post. I’ve begged her forgiveness but it doesn’t appear to be enough. So, in the spirit of harmony, I’ve penned a country ballad about this sad story, which also includes a touching little scene about Mopsa’s dog just to make it more poignant. I’ll be singing it on the show tonight, wearing my white silk cowboy shirt and stetson as Judy accompanies me on the guitar and Dr. Raj plays the bull fiddle. If this doesn’t appease Swearing Mother, I think I’ll have to bring out the big guns and take the matter to Denise Robertson.

Today’s country & western facts: Kenny Rogers made much of his fortune by owning the world’s largest rhinestone mine in Kentucky. Ducks have been taught to line dance by no less a figure than Willie Nelson, who happened to be stoned at the time. He is also the only person to have two characters in The Simpsons based on him (Groundskeeper Willie and Nelson Muntz). Dolly Parton invented Tizer but sold the rights to the Coca Cola corporation and used the money to build Dollyland.


Glamourpuss said...

Wow, so Glenn Campbell's 'Rhinestone Cowboy' is actually about Kenny Rogers then? Who'd a thunk it?


Swearing Mother said...

Dear, dear Richard: Thank you so much for mentioning me in your post today. It was indeed very thoughtful of you, and I totally forgive your initial oversight now that you have put things right between us in such a lovely way.

I have recorded today's show to make sure I don't miss your ballad, and I am particularly looking forward to seeing you in your white silk cowboy shirt and stetson. In fact, I am wearing double HRT patches to help me through that performance.

With fond love.

Yours always,



Dick Madeley said...

Glamourpuss, the full title of that song was actually 'Rhinestone mining cowboy' but they had to chop it down for legal reasons and a long standing union dispute bewtween miners and cowboys.

Swearing Mother, the show went well and the audience seemed to love my song. You should watch out for a surge in readership. Hope you enjoyed the show too, though Channel 4 technical people tell me that a few transmitters across the country lost the feed and they had to broadcast a different show. I just hope you aren't in one of the affected regions.

Swearing Mother said...

Never mind Richard, even if we were technically excluded from seeing your show today, featuring so prominently in your post was more than enough excitement for me.

I look forward to increasing my reader count, but would swap huge numbers for just one comment on my blog from your good self, with photo of course.

Can I say how handsome you looked on the show today?

With very best wishes,


The thinker said...

Dear Dick - Do you know I saw quite a chunk of the show tonight - enough to last me a long while - I just wonder could you tell me what kind of permatan you are wearing? Is it all make up? or spray tan? or a cream based tan? i was very impressed. There are no hints of streaks or joins and it is Sooo even. Even around your jaw line. I couldn't take my eyes of it. Didn't you used to be blond once? Or am I thinking of someone else. Poor Judy looked really tired. Tell her to ease of all the DIY chores for a while.

Claudia said...

I think it quite important for ducks to learn to line dance.

tkkerouac said...

entertaining blog!

Richard Havers said...

At the Peabody Hotel in Memphis ducks come down off the roof every day in the lift and then walk along a red carpet to a pond in the middle of the lobby - where they swim about. There seems to be no truth in the rumour that Willie Nelson was behind this piece of duck training.

Dick Madeley said...

Swearing Mother, lots of people tell me I looked good last night. I think I was just in good form.

The Thinker, I've written a post on this very subject. I'm glad your brought it up.

Claudia, you win my 'Comment of the Week' award. I couldn't have put it better myself. It is vital that ducks learn to line dance.

tkkerouac, I'm glad you like it. It's almost as entertaining as your picture. I should really get myself one of those. I look good in a towel.

Richard, you are a man after my own heart. Well, not literally. That would make you some kind of canibal stalker. I mean, you clearly know the world and are full of fine facts. We should get you on the show. Do you have any novel tricks? Have you written any books about baking cakes on K2? You know. That sort of thing.

Mopsa said...

Lyrics please!

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