Another weekend came to an end with me damp, bloodied, and sitting in a police slammer. Yesterday’s appearance at the Heathrow protest wasn’t as successful as we’d hoped. I was meant to be doing a feature with Jane Seymour on fashion tips for middle class protestors. We’d only been there ten minutes before some balaclava wearing member of SO18 came up to me and cracked me across the forehead with his baton. I tried to protect my face, which is perhaps why he didn’t recognise me, but when I told him I was Richard Madeley, this only seemed to spur him on. He didn’t stop hitting me until I fell unconscious. The last thing I remember is seeing Jane Seymour climbing over a razor-wire fence with an Alsatian hanging from her leg.
I spent the night in jail and got out this morning. My prison diary will hit bookshops next week but I can give you a sneak peak into all the interesting characters I met in there. One was ananarchist who goes by the name Stumpy. He told me some wonderful recipes involving lentils, dandelions, and stinging nettles. I’m trying to get him on the show this week in order to help us fulfill Channel 4's green quoto for this month. Another protestor told me that she works in the make-up department of the BBC and she had some fascinating stories about Natasha Kaplinsky's ears.
I thought I’d be a bit Stumpy-esque and eschew a theme for today’s facts. Let’s have a miscellany of interesting things. Such as the news that Jane Seymour can foresee the future, just like her character in Live and Let Die. She actually lives in the same house in the Caribbean and the only way to visit her is to take a hang glider from the back of speed boat. Did you also know that Heathrow is actually built on a bog and the movement of traffic landing and tacking off is actually rotating the whole site by a degree every ten years. Finally, did you know that Natasha Kaplinsky’s earlobes aren’t her own? She lost the real things many years ago when her earrings were snatched from her by seagulls while she was filming a report in Trafalgar Square.