Thursday, 23 August 2007

In The Company of True Beauty

Jordan’s bringing her tits onto the the show tonight so I’m feeling a bit humble. It might get a bit crowded on the sofa so we might have to get Judy to shove over a little or ask Jordan to let a little air out.

For those of you that don’t know who (or what) I’m taking about, we’ve posted this bio on our official website.
Katie Price is one of the most successful female celebrities in Britain today. She has conquered being a model, author, mum, wife and now perfumer! Katie is the author of four successful books, two of which are autobiographies. This month, Katie releases her new perfume ‘Stunning’. She joins Richard & Judy in the studio to talk about her new baby Princess Tiaamii and Pete’s struggle with Meningitis, her amazing success as an author, and her new perfume.

Hard to know where to begin, isn’t it? Makes my own accomplishments pale somewhat. To be honest, these big name interviews get me nervous. I've been back and to to the toilet all morning. The woman has talent oozing out of her every pore. I imagine this is how Parkinson felt before he interviewed Ali.

I should probably begin by chatting about little Princess Tia Maria and then asking her about becoming a role model for many young girls across the country. I’ll ask her about her boob jobs and how she got started in the business of soft core pornography. Of course, she’s a famous author with two novels out (ooh er!), so I’ll be asking her about the creative process that brought about her ‘amazing success’ and the moral choices she makes when faced with the job of writing page after page of sex. I'll ask her if she finds it as tedious to write as I find it tedious to read. Then I’ll ask her how she comes up with her ideas and how she first came up with now notorious scene in her first novel when her heroine ‘did it like a monkey’ in Knowsley Safari Park.

The woman is sure to interest you so don’t forget to tune in. And also, don’t forget to buy her new perfume, “Stunning” available from 24th August. Prices start from £18.00 but it’s cheaper if you buy it by the pint.

Some Jordan facts. Jordan has famously nicknamed her breasts Eric and Ernie, but did you know she's been sued by the estate of the late Ernie Wise? Did you also know that Jordan’s perfume actually contains her own nipple juice and comes with a money back guarantee should your nipples not grow an inch after using it? Jordan hopes to be shortlisted in this year’s Booker Prize and, if she is, she’ll be only the second author to do so with breast implants. Jordan is also involved in a high court action against the country of Jordan when it was announced that the small middle eastern nation intended to have a boob job and market its own perfume. Jordan’s calendars are always top sellers but did you know that for the past five years they’ve been missing the month of March?


All Shook Up said...

I don't think you two are in any position to get sniffy over other people's tits after Judy's spectacularly burst, or flopped, out at that Awards Bash a few years ago, when a little silicon enhancement might have helped to keep them more upright and chaste.

Dick Madeley said...

Ah, touché. Only, I didn't think I was getting sniffy about her breasts (if you excuse the image). I thought I'd written something appreciative of the woman's very special talents and her rightful place in the hierarchy of greatness.

debio said...

I am so pleased you are honoured with this celebrity's presence - at least she's left us in peace for a while....Go on, ask those searching questions...please!!

Glamourpuss said...

I read one of Jordan's books once.

That's all I can say about it really.

(Total crap)

But on the whole, give me Jordan over VB any day. The girl's got balls - and not just footballs on her chest.


Dick Madeley said...

Debio, I asked them but I wasn't sure of the answers. I think the poor girl must have had a bad night's sleep. She didn't seem as bright as I'd thought she would.

Glamourpuss, please tell me you're joking. You really read one? Please don't say it's so. Personally, I'd rather have Victoria Beckham. At least she doesn't promote her sleezy values to children. (Shit! I've turned all puritan in my old age).

lady thinker said...

Really good Dick - made me LOL. i wasn't aware she is an 'author'.

Glamourpuss said...

Really did - Angel I think it was called.

VB is a joke. She gets famous off the back of 'girl power' and all she's ever done is get married, live off her husband's money, starve herself, deny she has plastic tits, and endlessly promote her ability to do nothing useful except spend money on ugly things. And she's thicker than Jordan.

Give me Jordan any day - selling your sexuality and nudity is a noble thing. Trust me, I'm a pole dancer.


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Double Glazing said...

Katie Price is really a talented and role model woman.She's so brave and her story form rags to riches became an inspiration to others.