The more I think about it, the more I’m sure that God was made in my image. It’s not just my immaculate hair and permanent tan that leads me to this conclusion, but it’s the little things such as my omnipotence and omnipresence. I only mention this because we’ve got John Humphrys on the show tonight telling us what it’s like to be agnostic. Usually I get tired of hearing about celebrities finding God so it’s nice to entertain one who is going the other way. Next year, I expect to him to come back on the show to talk about his first twelve months living as a worshiper of Beelzebub. It’s my duty, I suppose, to help him see the light and to help him out of his devilish ways but the problem with these people who’ve worked in the BBC all their lives is that they can’t see the bigger picture. In their minds, there’s nothing bigger than Aunty Beeb. The very notion of their being a God goes against their belief in the holy trinity of Wogan, Dimbleby, and Peter Purves.
I’ve done some research ahead of the show so here are some facts John Humphrys facts I might not get to use in the interview. Did you know that John lent his name to the character played by John Inman in Are You Being Served? He is allergic to cockles yet has is a fully licensed diver, often spending his weekends searching for old wrecks off the Cornish coast. He began his career as a stunt double for Packtrick Macnee in the Avengers but turned to journalism after breaking a wrist when a stunt involving an umbrella and Emma Peel’s leather boots went terribly wrong.