Tuesday, 11 August 2009

My Apology to Mr. Peter Andre

There has been some confusion in the media about my relationship with Peter Andre. This may have been exacerbated by my recent Twitter comments directed toward Pete, such as ‘Thinking of you at this difficult time. In fact, I wake up screaming most nights, wondering if the new single is out yet’.

Comments such as this (there have been 42 since I started to Twitter) have led people to wrongly believe that I’m not a fan of the man. This can’t be further from the truth. Admittedly, I have tried to encourage his fans to move on to Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, Nick Cave, Neil Young, Lou Reed, The Velvet Underground, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Cash, Sparks, CSN&Y, Patti Smith, and Bob Dylan, but this doesn’t mean I haven’t got room in my life for Mr. Peter Andre.

As a way of finding closure, I contacted Pete’s management and we’re delighted to announce the forthcoming collaboration. He agreed to make the record only if we could donate all the proceeds to charity. Pete is giving his half to Unicef but I’ve written a promissory note to West Norfolk's Home For the Mentally Insania. They do good work with people driven witless by the incessant ‘groove’ of dance records. They also help people who have listened to too many high pitched whining ballads about ‘missing you’ leaving their sentimental side to run rampant through their psychology.

So, when you’re out buying my new ’12 Love Songs & A Sea Shanty’, why not pick up ‘Lovin’ You In Woollens’? Not only will it help heal the rift in my relationship with Pete but you’ll have an additional deterrent to keep the squirrels away.


Anonymous said...

You are so bloody funny & witty. You deserve to be on prime time TV

Uncle Dick Madeley said...

Thank you, Trapes. That's what I've been saying but the only thing I've been offered is some voice-over work on the next series of 'Road Wars'.

2202 said...

Good list of artists, but check out Lucinda Williams, Judy will appreciate the sentiments on a good number of her songs.