Monday, 28 July 2008

A Quiet Monday Morning

It’s a new week down on Madeley Farm and things aren’t looking good for the livestock. All the web traffic has dried up and the blog is like a dry watering hole with the carcases of my last two posts lying there, teeth exposed in a rictus grin and their prime meat worthless now that it sits dead on the bone. What’s apparent is that many of you are either on holiday or out enjoying this unseasonably warm weather, which is good if you’ve got the caravan perched a five minute walk from the beach but not so good when you’re indoors with a woman with knee ligament damage.

The weekend has been exhausting. When I’ve not been waving a fan over Judy to keep her cool, I’ve been running to the kitchen to swap frozen vegetables for those that have defrosted on her knee. There there’s been the constant guests coming to see how Judy is doing. Cilla Black came by yesterday afternoon and the two of them sang a few of their old favourite songs as I tried to provide accompaniment on the Casio. That’s hard to do when you’re ears are plugged with three inches of tightly packed cotton wadding. I was glad to see her go.

Then there was a visit by the Corbetts and Ronnie’s ill-advised comment that I’m surprised hasn’t been picked up by the media.

‘I don’t suppose... Ha! Oh dear...’ he said as he readjusted his glasses in that way he does. ‘I don’t suppose, Judy, that there’s any chance of you bouncing me on your knee?’

Judy’s face flushed the colour of her knee. Ronnie should have known better since there’s a chance that his weight on Judy’s knee is exactly what’s aggravated the problem in the first place. Again, it came down to Yours Truly to save the day. Once I’d bounced Ronnie on my knee for fifteen minutes he seemed happy. Visits by Judith Chalmers (she prophesised ‘good news in knees’) and Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee went without a hitch and Paul amused Judy by pulling a packet of ice cold baby carrots from behind her ear.

As for Judy, after nearly a week’s rest, cure, and frozen veg, she is feeling much better and is now beginning to get movement in the joint. Another seven days and she’ll be back working on the crazy paving, playing snooker at her local association, and sitting beside me on the Richard&Judy sofa. And for me: that’s when I might feel like writing something uplifting on a Monday morning.

10 comments:

Charles Lambert said...

What a heartbreaking tale. I was particularly touched by the Cilla Black incident. Is this a service she provides to all wounded knees?

Dick Madeley said...

Charles, I could always ask but would you really be willing to suffer permanent damage to your eardrums, just for the sake of your knee?

Charles Lambert said...

I would break both knees, willingly, for the privilege...

Dick Madeley said...

Well, if you insist... Judy does have a lump hammer. Have you seen the film, 'Misery'?

Devonshire Dumpling said...

You can bounce me on your knee for just five minutes and I would be be ecstatic....ok, four minutes then?.....my last offer is three.

Welsh Girl said...

In an effort to boost the figures I have visited you three times today, but not once have you offered to bounce ME on your knee? Is this service reserved for comic sidekicks??????

Dick Madeley said...

Devonshire, how about two minutes fifty? But that's on my right knee which has more bucking to the bounce than the left.

Welsh girl, I'm very grateful for the hits. My readership drops off terribly when I go into a bad mood on Thursday and Friday. I keep telling myself that it's just the summer lull but I think it's my moodiness that puts people off. Just for that, you can have five minutes. Unfortunately, that's on my left left, which has far less bucking to the bounce than the right.

Okay, have to dash. Getting the signal that we're about to come back from the ads.

Charles Lambert said...

Yes, I have seen Misery. I take your point.

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