To the person from Birmingham searching Google for the answer to ‘what are Jane Seymour’s hobbies’, I’m delighted to inform you that they are:
1. Photographing rare forms of underwater coral;
2. Researching her book on Mexican drug cartels, 1970-75;
3. Decorating plaster-cast elves;
4. And visiting her health club where she relaxes in mud by wrestling naked with midgets.
It was a pleasure to help you.
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2 comments:
Clearly, nobody had ever asked Google this question before. Nor do I need Google to tell me this. I can look at Jane Seymour if I want to see everything that I’m not!
1.) It's not where I do all my best thinking about where it all went pearshaped.
2.) She has never, once, set anything down on paper that could be mistaken for either a consonant or a vowel.
3.) Decorating plaster-cast elves, it seems to me, provides everything Miss Seymour could possible aspire to.
4.) Do not be put off by the midgets. They are the best form of entertainment a woman can have without actual penetration!
See how easy it is? You detest her already!
So I Googled myself, and this is what it said:
1.) “You have a beautiful smile, Dreamy - and some stunning cleavage!”
2.) “Bad is good!”
3.) “Darling, will you do this perfectly trivial thing for me?”
4.) “Nice job, thanks gorgeous...”
The message could not have been clearer: Jane Seymour is getting all the attention that should rightly be given to me!
Dreamy
If you also google Google you would discover that the French resistance trained midgets to be deep penetration agents during WW2. What has that to do with Jane Seymour, I’m really not sure. However, I’m pretty certain that should you google Google for your namein the near future, you will find that 'Selena Dreamy' will be forever linked to martial French midgets. Scores of military historians will discover you, Selena, and want your phone number and your inside leg measurement.
As for the Jane getting your attention. I think that’s true of fame in general. I always look on Jordan and think that she’s got celebrity that should rightfully have been mine.
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