Saturday, 5 January 2008

Monday

I have an appointment at a local job agency on Monday morning. Because of my celebrity, I’ve been putting this off for too long. It was only Bill Oddie promising to come with me and provide modal support that convinced me to ring them and make the appointment.

This depressing thought (the appointment, not Oddie’s involvement) means that I can’t be bothered writing today. Instead I thought I’d canvass you for job ideas for a man of my unique qualities. You must bear in mind that I have a low boredom threshold and would like a job involving high levels of creativity. I can work unbelievably hard when motivated to do so, and I’m very prolific in my ideas. I don’t want to deal with the general public and routine ‘office work’ would lead me to take a jump off the end of a knotted rope within the month. Money doesn't motivate me in except insofar as if I'm going to be giving up my writing career (something that even more of you seem keen on, judging by the current poll), I want to be paid well to do so. I quite like the idea of getting into advertising but wouldn’t know where to begin.

12 comments:

AxmxZ said...

You could become one of the research elves for QI. Experience shows that this need not be an impediment to one's writing career. E.g.: Adam Jacot de Boinod and his "Meaning of Tingo." As an acknowledged expert on every subject in the world, I'm sure you'll easily raise the bar for QI research, since it's really quite impossible to lower it. If they actually bought and re-sold the urban legend about Edison inventing the word "hello"... well, the mind boggles.

Richard Madeley said...

Ax, if, when I walk in on Monday, they say 'Dick, we have an opening working for a pittance writing factoids for QI', I believe I'd be the happiest man alive and would snatch off more than their hand.

However, there's more likelihood of them suggesting something involving industrial cleansing products or a stapler. That's why I've spent my day trying to build up my body's resistance to bleach.

elberry said...

A lot would depend on location, i think. It's virtually impossible to get anything other than menial labour in a small town.

If you can't relocate to a major urban centre i'd recommend try jobs involving your skills (computing & the old Madeley prose) that you can do from home. Perhaps spend some time on Google, research IT-type companies, ones dealing with moderating forums, you could do these from home.

My instinct is that the only way to a good job is through inside connections and ass kissing, but perhaps i'm wrong.

AxmxZ said...

Hm. Never thought the day would come when I would be in an enviable position vis-a-vis a 'sleb'. I'm a factoid writer myself. Not for QI, though - for an upcoming series of trivia books called 'The Armchair Reader.' I suspect mine's the better job, since one gets both to research *and* be witty instead of having to outsource wit to Fry et alii.

Richard Madeley said...

Elberry, as always, you are a source of wisdom. I'll be approaching this interview with the techniques taught at the Elberry school of outdoor survival; with a knife held between my teeth and my face daubed with the extract of chav glands.

Axmxz, I seem to be totally incapable of getting that sort of work. It's probably as Elberry says it is about the good jobs. Only, I'm not after a fortune. Just something that will allow me to keep writing without destroying my soul, which any kind of temping would certainly do. I wait nervously for Monday. Perhaps they'll have some presenting work in local TV.

AxmxZ said...

>Axmxz, I seem to be totally incapable of getting that sort of work. It's probably as Elberry says it is about the good jobs.

Oh, I wouldn't say that. I got my gig through craigslist. They advertised for 'incredible writers,' and I had the grapes to respond. (It had to be the grapes talking and not common sense, because my barely-out-of-college-resume did not exactly inspire confidence.)

>Only, I'm not after a fortune.

I agree. Fortunes are so passé.

Richard Madeley said...

> I agree. Fortunes are so passé.

Totally right. Though I wouldn't mind one. Or even part of one.

AxmxZ said...

Are you saying not all talk-show hosts are as fabulously wealthy as Oprah?? Ow, my Weltanshauung!!

Richard Madeley said...

Ax, it's very complicated and the mathematics of it would leave you dizzy. Basically, due to a strange twist in the time/space continuum, when you see me on TV, I'm extremely wealthy but whenever I blog or you see me in real life, I'm penniless. Don't worry if you don't follow it. It's just a paradox I have to live with every day of the week.

AxmxZ said...

I think I get it. The projected air of fulfillment, self-actualization and chipper contentment is on loan from the sponsors along with the suit and the hair, right?

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