Thursday, 26 July 2007

Turning Off The Tranny

I got chatting to Danny La Rue after the show tonight and I asked him about all the dresses he’s collected in his career as the nation’s favourite transvestite. Turns out that he doesn’t like being called a transvestite and got pretty agitated when I suggested he was deluding himself. In the end, Judy had to drag him off me.

That’s the thing I’ve discovered working in TV for all these years. People don’t understand who you really are. They don’t get chance to know you. I think that’s why people often tell me I’m a bit of a loud mouth with nothing between my ears. The same people show their ignorance by asking if Judy’s a transvestite but I just say she’s just big boned. I’ve never fancied dressing up in women’s clothing, myself, though I did once attend a fancy dress party wearing a milk maid’s costume. It was stupid. I’m lactose intolerant. A leakage of buttermilk gave me a rash under my right churn.

But enough about me and buttermilk. Here’s today’s fact.

Did you know that transvestites are three times more likely to suffer an allergic reaction to a bee sting than men who don’t dress up as women? The reason? Well, not only do they dress up in bright colours which will attract bees (and, I might add, sailors) but the chemicals inside perfume are not suitable for a male’s dermis. It leaves the male transvestite much more likely to have a toxic reaction to a sting. Additional transvestive facts: they are 50% more likely to be stopped by the police for drunk driving but three times less likely to commit an armed robbery. I suppose, like most things in life, it's a matter of swings and roundabouts.

10 comments:

Jeannet Snow said...

tnks. how u come to know my blog?

Celebrity Gossips

Flowerpot said...

welcome to blogland, Richard! Just read your post today which gave me quite a jolt. See today's blog as a result....

Anonymous said...

Richard, how will I ever find time to do anything now you are blogging along with wifey? Does Judy read your musings?

Diana

Swearing Mother said...

Welcome to blogland, I just know you'll be a hit (and obviously, so do you!).

Best wishes.

rilly super said...

oh richard, I think this male reaction to perfume may explain why my husband comes out in a rash when ever I go close to him.

Richard Madeley said...

Jeannet, I just have my ear tuned to Madeley related blogs. I was disappointed to be only eighth in that poll.

Yes, Flowerpot, I imagine it would. I hope the sting has healed and your friend isn't displaying any tendecies towards buying shoes.

Diana, Judy doesn't read it. I work from the garden shed while Judy's busy in the house. As for finding time, I've got endless quantities of energy.

Swearing Mother, please stop swearing. It's not right that a mother should swear. However, thanks for the welcome. And of course I know I'll be a hit. I'm always a hit.

Rilly Super, glad I could help you understand your husband. We'll be doing a show on this in the near future. We'll have to get you on the sofa to talk about your husbands problems.

debio said...

Come to your blog by a circuitous route, Richard. Welcome to blog world.

I do so hope you continue to pepper your posts with trivia - seems to strike a chord with me; just why are transvestities more likely to be 'done' for drunk driving? (I know you explained the bee-sting thing....most enlightening!)

Richard Madeley said...

Debio,

Glad to see you here too. I'm full of trivia, which is why I started this blog in the first place. TV gives me so little chance to display how much I really know that I had to find a different medium for my facts. Glad you like them so far. I think you'll find that the business about transvestites and bees is a proven scientific fact.

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