Thursday, 26 July 2007

Judy's Sofa

On today’s show, we’ll be tackling the sticky subject of MRSA. It shouldn't be a bad segment but I keep telling Judy we need to do something more exciting with superbugs and these flesh eating viruses. I suggested that we send on of our reporters into a hospital to see if they could catch one. The plan fell through due to health and safety. I then suggested that we get one of our viewers onto the show if they’ve got one of these bugs but Judy said she doesn’t want anybody spluttering snot all over her sofa or leaving bits of flesh around the studio.

Between you and me, I suspect she’s thinking of whipping the sofa back to our London pad when the series ends. That’s why she’s being so protective about who gets to sit on it. A few weeks ago she wouldn’t let Sharon Osbourne near it and it all turned nasty when she suggested that Osbourne’s had liposuction which has left her bottom as leaky as Tewkesbury.

Before the car comes to pick us up, I have a quick fact for you all about sofas. Did you know that the word ‘sofa’ comes from the Yiddish ‘sofamak’? It’s actually found in the Torah when Jehova appears in the form of a burning cushion and tells King David to put his feet up and have a biscuit, which in those days was made from unleavened bread and wasn’t of the modern hobnob or rich tea varieties.

14 comments:

Swearing Mother said...

Fascinating facts re sofas. Re your studio sofa - you need to ask WITN re sofa protection if you intend allowing people with unsavoury diseases and infirmities to sit on it,especially if you intend nicking it for your own home at some point. Apparently there's some sort of coating available to protect fabric. I, however, prefer the old fashioned methods of either a) leaving the plastic wrapping on for several years, or b)issuing germ warfare suits to anyone who looks suspect and who might be thinking of sitting down. It's only the same as asking people to take their shoes off in the hall after all.

I shall be too worried now to watch your programme in case anyone spills anything.

Richard Madeley said...

You often wonder why Judy looks so nervous on the show? Well now you know. The woman literally leaps out of her skin should a guest spill coffee near the sofa.

The thinker said...

I may take a look at your programme this afternoon - it's raining here again - so nothing remotely exciting to do. Just to show you are thinking of us, your new blogging pals, while you 'do' the show - just leer to camera a few times and I'll know you are thinking of me, or Rilly, or the swearing mother. Who knows we may become real fans now as we get to know you better

Richard Madeley said...

Thinker, you're on. And I'll do something even better. I'll interrupt Judy when she's talking and then I'll start playing with my hair. That way, using our secret codes, you'll know that I'm the real deal.

Anonymous said...

Are you rilly Richard Madeley ???

Richard Madeley said...

Anonymous, of course I am!

I don't see why you could doubt me. After all, who would pretend to be me?

Anonymous said...

Oh, only a master of comic inventions would dare to approach such a task, dear Richard.

I adore your pages and this is a dream of an idea!

Richard Madeley said...

Anonymous, exactly. Nobody in their right mind would pretend to be me. Except me. And I'm so in my right mind that it's sometimes frightening to see how lucid I am.

Lord Straf-Bollinger said...

Sheer wisdom in print.

Richard Madeley said...

Lord SB, I'm glad to see you acknowledge the fact. You'll find that wisdom runs deep in these parts.

Flowerpot said...

we'll all have to watch today now - for sofa spillings, leerings or any other mishaps. I can see the ratings going through the roof today, Richard.

Swearing Mother said...

Did I miss the leering? Oh damn. Had to go to Waitrose for some fish. Only managed to watch up to the MRSA bit then needed to go shopping. Re MRSA: Use more bleach.

TELL ME! The Thinker and Flowerpot, did he rilly do it? I bet he didn't say Swearing Mother though (who would, in reality?). Even the real Richard Madeley couldn't slip that one in.

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