Monday, 30 July 2007

Griff

On today’s show we’ve got Griff Rhys Jones coming into the studio to talk about walking. Or at least he thinks he’s there to talk about walking. We’ll actually be giving him an extreme makeover with the help of our resident beautician, Brenda Green. I don’t know how Griff's going to take it but we’ve got a team of trained medical staff standing by, primed with hypodermics full of tranquillizer. Even if we have to strap him down, we'll get the job done. Should make for some good teatime television.

Griff’s a good guy and I’m the first to admit that he’s done a lot of good for the nation’s ruins, but this is my chance to get him back for the time he nominated Judy as a listed building and tried to get BBC viewers to pay for renovation work on her southern wing. That’s his only real fault. He’s a bit of a pain in the arse when it comes to criticising other people and he never accepts that he needs plenty of work doing on his own crumbling facade. By the end of the show, I’m hoping to see a new Griff with his jaw pegged back to his ears and those bags under his eyes tucked somewhere where they won’t be seen. Plus, I’m hoping we’ll be able to do something a bit special with his nostrils but you'll have to tune in to see what I've got planned.

If it’s not too much for a Monday, here are some Griff Rhys Jones facts to keep you going before five o’clock. Griff is a fully trained vet and spends his nights neutering dogs he finds wandering the London streets. He also has a passion for hedgehogs and owns the largest hedgehog sanctuary in the country. Despite being tone deaf, Griff has written three top ten hits for Westlife and is currently composing a musical version of ‘Alas Smith and Jones’ which he hopes to take to the West End next year starring Gareth Gates and Paul Potts (who is also on tonight’s show).

6 comments:

EmmaK said...

I reckong Judy needs an extreme makeover more than Griff does.

Richard Madeley said...

Now, EmmaK, I hope you happy. Judy's sitting here next to me, crying. What am I meant to do? She'll never finish plastering the hall in this state.

I Beatrice said...

How DARE he? Say that about Judy, I mean! I think she's a perfect inspiration to women 'of a certain age' everywhere. I know it comforts me to see her sitting there so wonderfully imperfect every afternoon! Those other women, the ones who nip and tuck and tweak until they resemble Joan Collins on a horrendous day - THEY are the ones who should be given the stern advice. (In my view, that is....)

Swearing Mother said...

i Beatrice, you are quite right.

Poor Judy has a lot to put up with, mentioning no names......
and guess what, she's the one with the one sitting on the sofa with a fab job in TV.

Good enough, I'd say.

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