Griff

On today’s show we’ve got Griff Rhys Jones coming into the studio to talk about walking. Or at least he thinks he’s there to talk about walking. We’ll actually be giving him an extreme makeover with the help of our resident beautician, Brenda Green. I don’t know how Griff's going to take it but we’ve got a team of trained medical staff standing by, primed with hypodermics full of tranquillizer. Even if we have to strap him down, we'll get the job done. Should make for some good teatime television.

Griff’s a good guy and I’m the first to admit that he’s done a lot of good for the nation’s ruins, but this is my chance to get him back for the time he nominated Judy as a listed building and tried to get BBC viewers to pay for renovation work on her southern wing. That’s his only real fault. He’s a bit of a pain in the arse when it comes to criticising other people and he never accepts that he needs plenty of work doing on his own crumbling facade. By the end of the show, I’m hoping to see a new Griff with his jaw pegged back to his ears and those bags under his eyes tucked somewhere where they won’t be seen. Plus, I’m hoping we’ll be able to do something a bit special with his nostrils but you'll have to tune in to see what I've got planned.

If it’s not too much for a Monday, here are some Griff Rhys Jones facts to keep you going before five o’clock. Griff is a fully trained vet and spends his nights neutering dogs he finds wandering the London streets. He also has a passion for hedgehogs and owns the largest hedgehog sanctuary in the country. Despite being tone deaf, Griff has written three top ten hits for Westlife and is currently composing a musical version of ‘Alas Smith and Jones’ which he hopes to take to the West End next year starring Gareth Gates and Paul Potts (who is also on tonight’s show).