Wednesday, 20 February 2008

On Stephen's Podcast

A sleep has rid these bones of the aches and shivers brought on by two days in a cramped recording studio and other associated duties of a man employed by others for tasks not of his own choosing. Damn it all to hell and back. This is no life for a monkey. Not even a handsome monkey with an artificial mane culled from the heads of Taiwanese virgins.

I'm now bound to a different kind of desk; one piled high with good books and assorted manuscripts of my own terribly overactive imagination. To tell you the truth, I'm feeling quite relieved this morning that friends haven't exposed confidences. I've just chuckled my way through the first of Stephen Fry's podcasts. Not that I found his quite obvious pain funny. I was merely relieved that our adventures together had been compressed down to his confession that he 'spent time with friends'. I'd been sent a warning earlier in the week that the podcast would be appearing but my work commitments stopped me writing about it as I normally would. If my first thought was a quite selfish one about exposed confidences, my second was the worry that there would be many more contradictions from the version of the Great Man's story I'd already published. In the end, I think our two narratives join neatly together. Indeed, as neatly as two pieces of bone held together by screws and plates. The only point where our stories diverge is in the moment of the accident. Naturally, Stephen displays Stephen's usual forgiving nature and lays no blame at the hand or flipper of the manatee. I think we all know different and should continue to show our support for the man by continuing our reverse boycott, by buying all goods made from the manatee.

Listening to Stephen has also given me new ambitions. The last two days of hard work pales when one considers Stephen's schedule. I would offer to take some of his duties from him but I fear he's protective of the little niche he's made for himself as the nation's most ubiquitous fitting, suitably for schedules both evening and daytime; bathrooms and kitchens too, I imagine.

All of which has inspired me – if that's the right phrase – to be more productive. There's nothing like a spell of toil to stiffen the resolve. That's why this is a shorter than normal post from me today. I have something much larger I want to work on. You may get to see it in good time. You might not. I might release it anonymously to the underground and let it become a cult classic among bikers and university drop-outs. Do I hear you ask me about a title? Well isn't that obvious?

'This is no life for a monkey.'

17 comments:

The Twitch said...

Dick ..any chance of getting Dennis to give us an update on how he's doing at darts?

bertas said...

Hm I feel like a lazy bugger when I listen to Mr. Fry... but I did love the podcast... :)
And great idea Twitch, yes Richard where is Dennis?

bertas said...

Oh and Richard dearheart, why did I get this exclusive? Tssss

http://www.tvscoop.tv/2008/02/richard_and_jud_1.html

You know I'll start charging you for media briefings thank you very much, but you will have to pay me much more then Dennis... :)

mutleythedog said...

It would be awfully sad if we you did not share every item in your oeuvre with us Dickie me old chum! I watched a man carving cheese with you the other night didn't I? Or was that Lily Savage...?

Selena Dreamy said...

All of which has inspired me – if that's the right phrase – to be more productive.

Good heavens!

Compared to that of the most blockbusting blogger of our blogosphere, Richard Madeley, everyone else’s output is positively meagre. How can you possibly add to it, Richard? What, with all the additional tasks - not of your own choosing! Still, my own guess is, you’re going to be the next James Patterson. The world's greatest factory of bestsellers.

But then, he’s employing a team of writers that push out four or five books a year.

So, just give me and Mutley a call...

D.

Richard Madeley said...

Twitch, I'll see if I can get Denis to give you an update in the next couple of days. He's just been very busy helping me with my work and he's only got one pair of hands.

Bertas, it was a lovely podcast. I'm considering doing some of my own but I don't know if I can get the time. We'll have to see... As to your scoop, I mentioned it a couple of days ago. I'm just happy to know that Judy's working hard to keep us on TV.

Mutley, well I might have to forgo publication to see if I can get something squeezed into paperback. A man caving cheese was probably me. We carve cheese on the show at least once a fortnight.

Selena, I wish I had a team to help me. I merely meant that I will be putting more efforts into getting a book finished, finding an agent, and then published, and a little less into blogging. As much as I've met some good people in my new work on 'Eye of the Storm', I don't honestly see how I could survive in an office environment on a full time basis. The tears I've been weeping one night have been depressingly replenished for the next. There's nothing like a bit of misery to focus one's mind on the hard work of writing 80,000 words and promoting oneself.

Richard Madeley said...

I should add that of course Denis doesn't have one pair of hands. It was just an unfortunate choice of words. You all know what I meant...

AxmxZ said...

That's the spirit. I've been working extra hard on my opus magnum lately, too. By which I mean, I finaly started inventing a plot.

mutleythedog said...

I have been up all night worrying about the phrase "Taiwanese virgins" - its so odd in that the people of Taiwan are not ethnically different to Han Chinese so - who would know ?, and also who would know they were virgins? You do set us some puzzlers Mr Madeley....

Selena Dreamy said...

Hey Mutley, I'm a virgin...

Anonymous said...

....on the ridiculous

bertas said...

Where is Richard? Did he go missing?

Honestly, I cannot waste my holiday organizing a search party to find him... :)

mutleythedog said...

I feat that Stephen Fry has returned with a hatchet to extract his vengeance...

I am also a virgin Ms Dreamy...

lee said...

I'm practically a virgin.

okbye said...

Is being practically a virgin anything like being a little pregnant?

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