Saturday, 9 February 2008

Nude Harold Wilson.... Sorry!

If you're wondering: I asked Dennis to add a rabbit to save Mr. Wilson's modesty. I want this point to be clear before I go on. Saturday is the day I usually take for a long earned rest and I'm in no mood for answering questions about why Harold Wilson has got genitals in the shape of a red rabbit. Instead I want to spend my time reading. I've bought a few new books which are now sitting by my favourite armchair and intend to get at least one of them finished before sundown.

As usual, I'm posting cheap filler material in the form of the best search terms that have brought readers to the blog this week. As is my custom, I'll try to figure out what they were searching for and I'll do my best to answer their queries.

Nude sorry Harold Wilson

This has to be the week's oddest search term. Luckily, I have a picture of one of the many times that our late Prime Minister, Harold Wilson, was caught in the nude. He was always very apologetic and I think that the rabbit proves my point.

Is Richard Madeley Jewish?

Depends what you're really asking. If you're asking if I'm circumcised then I'd have to ask you: does an accident involving a set of sheers count? If you're asking if I read the Torah regularly, then no, I'm not Jewish. I'm CofE with mildly orthodox Catholic leanings that have to do with my love of baroque church architecture and the writings of Pope Julius II.

Richard Madeley is an idiot

Depends what you mean by 'idiot'. Am I flawed? I would say so. Am I wiser and more knowledgeable than 99.9% of the British public: absolutely.

Richard and Judy baldness

And not for much longer! My hair is growing at a remarkable rate. I think taking some of Judy's old HRT medication has helped too. The early indications were that I was growing breasts but that, thankfully, is no longer the case. I remain a manly B cup.

Judy's tits at the Brits

Hard to know what to say to this one. She took them with her, if that's what you mean.

Which cartoon animal whistled through its teeth?

Easy: Dangermouse.

Richard Madeley's qualifications

Eight 'O' levels, a clutch of 'A' levels, a couple of degrees, and an honorary Ph.D. in Advanced Biomolecular Engineering.

Terry Nutkins with a beard

I have a photograph of this too.

Prunella Scales topless

Unfortunately I don't have this picture.

Pointless Stephen Fry links

You mean like this one?

How tall is David Dickinson?

This old chestnut? Little Miss Sunshine is 5' 11” tall, which you would know if you keep refreshing this page to go through my bestiary.

Richard Madeley is a twat – sorry the only way I could find your blog

That's okay, stranger. Whoever typed this in to Google gave me the biggest laugh of my week. And, when you think about that, you'll see why I'm having a day off. It has been a bad week for Madeley.

8 comments:

Bretwalda Edwin-Higham said...

Aaaaaaaggggghhh!!!

Selena Dreamy said...

...all of which reminds me - listening to "Any Questions", today on Radio 4 (on my way to the stables in Hertfordshire), the subject of Richard Madeley came up. Interviewing Bill Clinton, apparently, about his, then, newly published autobiography.

Richard saying to Bill, the difference between you and I, sir, is that what I've fantasized about doing, you've actually done - or words to that effect.

Good on you Richard. I thought it hilarious!

D.

hope-athlete said...

Re: Ode Best Left Untravelled.

Dear Richard. I wrote you a goddamned poem! Can you believe it, because I really can't. Moon travelled twice around the earth before I got it finised. Utter masterpiece!

Richard Madeley said...

Bretwalda, as articulate as ever. And a fine aaaarrrrgh! to you.

Selena, I remember saying that and getting an odd look from the President. After the show, he gave me the number of a girl called Monica. Unfortunately it went through the wash unlike a certain black dress and the evidence was lost.

Hope, I can't express how much I enjoyed your poem. A new talent emerges in the world of poetry. You should be crowned with laurels. If I wasn't so tired tonight, I'd reply in rhymed couplets. Unfortunately, I'm exhausted and need to get some sleep. I will (I know keep promising) write something about Finland too. Just for you. Or perhaps I'll ask Stephen or Martin to write something. That might be easier for all of us. Perhaps a 1000 words about suicidal reindeer herders?

AxmxZ said...

Searches!!! My favorite part of the show.

hope-athlete said...

Don't you try pull out of your duty, Madeley. (But if you'd get Stephen to co-write it, I naturally wouldn't mind.)

I wasn't aware that reindeer herders are apt to such behaviour... How interesting. Not. Not true either but I love how your imagination works.
Not so long ago I was googling about this morbid issue that so broadly defames our fine country and it came to my knowledge that teenagers *gasps for air* in our country are making these ridiculous statistics bloom like Rhododendrons during spring. I hear the opportune month to off oneself is May too. Why May, is beyond me.

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