If somebody hadn't typed 'do gnats have feelings' into Google or I hadn't been forced to intercept misdirected visitors looking for 'blogs for men attracted to transvestites', I might not have updated today. Search engines bring in such a range of people with unusual tastes that it's hard to know how I should respond to them. Yes: gnats have feelings. In fact, they are very sensitive to criticism. No: I don't know any blogs for men attracted to transvestites. Nor do I know of blogs for men attracted to gnats or whether transvestites have feelings.
I do know that I'm very busy preparing myself for two tough days of voice-over work. Unless I can hammer out a few words when I get home late tomorrow night, you shouldn't expect to hear from me until Wednesday. This is the price we must pay for ensuring that crusts are earned, nests feathered, livings made. I might get Denis to write something in my absence but, after his first attempt, I'm wary about giving him the blog's password.
If gnats, transvestites and one-armed assistants aren't odd enough for your Sunday, I've had an email to ask that I help promote the campaign to award Petula Clark a damehood. Although I don't own any of her records, I do know that she recorded a few of Serge Gainsbourg's songs and, by doing so, helped promote the work of my hero and role model. For this reason alone I think she deserves recognition, though you might want to recognise her for founding one of the best high street shoe shops.
While I was on the Downing Street website I tried to register a new campaign to reward Stephen Fry with a knighthood only to discover that a petition already exists.
I wouldn't mind but I'd already had my local graphic design company produce a logo for my campaign. I must now reconsider whether I should work to endorse the existing petition or start one of my own to have Bill Oddie recognised for the work he does on behalf of owls. While I'm away, I want you to give this some thought. I like the idea of making Bill this year's charitable cause but I fear that, although he's a bigger celebrity than Stephen inside the UK, Oddie would not reach out to an audience in the wider blogging community. I'm tempted to offer Jeremy Clarkson as a compromise candidate. What do you think?