I had step in a stop a fight between wives Eight and Fourteen and received a black eye in the process. It wouldn’t have been too bad if it had happened back at the hotel but it occurred at the check-out desk at Salt Lake’s airport. Judy was a model of calm and, as any Wife Number One should, she gave me every encouragement as I dragged Eight off the still kicking figure of Fourteen. I thought I had it sorted out but then the American airport police got involved. Hearing my accent and seeing the colour of my tan, I suppose they immediately thought ‘Saudi’ and had me pinned to the deck. It was a mistake. It set all fourteen of my wives off and what followed is said to have been the biggest riot in Salt Lake history,
The upshot of this is that we’re still in Utah, with half of my wives facing trial and me stuck with their legal bill. In a quiet few moments, Judy took me aside, popped a Tammy Wynette tape into the player, and politely suggested that fourteen wives might be thirteen too many. I’m beginning to see her point. This afternoon, I’m going to hire the best legal team that Channel 4 can afford and see what can be done about divorcing the lot.
D.I.V.O.R.C.E. Tammy not only knew how to spell it but she sang song about it too. All I know is it can be a painful business when you’ve one wife but insufferable with fourteen. Did you know that polygamy explains the odd statistic that suggests that more men get divorced each year than get married? A failed marriage has been proved to be the top reason why men grow mustaches and that 75% of men with facial hair are divorced. Divorcees are also three times more likely to go to Yoga classes, which explains why they are the most flexible sector of the American keep fit market.