Song to Judy

'Anonymous' emailed me to say that I don’t talk enough about Judy. I feel suitably chastened, but, at the same time, what is there to say? Judy is my life. There’s no Richard & Judy with the Judy. Actually, there’s no Richard & Judy without the ‘&’ but I don’t go around professing my love for ampersands. However, that's not the point. The email did get me thinking that I don’t give Judy enough credit for our success. That’s why, before breakfast, I wrote her this little ditty which I left on her pillow.

Judy, wake up, and go and make the coffee,
I’m lying here a while, writing you some poetry,
In order to say that you’re really really special,
But not like ‘special needs’; that’s the wrong kind of special.
I mean ‘special’ like Dr. Raj’s furry psycho pants
Not special like the show we did on donkey-sex deviants.
And because you’re special, the show’s special too,
And the next time you flip out, we all know what to do.
So Judy, wake up and go and make the coffee,
Then admit that married to me, you’re so very very lucky.

Judy is far too humble to let the world know how wonderful she is, so I’ll give you some Judy facts so you might appreciate the woman that I feel so blessed to call 'wife'. Did you know that Judy is an expert plasterer and a fully qualified electrician? She's single-handledly built our extension and relaid the drains. Back in our days on Granada Reports, Judy once arm wrestled Muhammed Ali and the outcome was not as one sided as you’d think. And did you know that Frank Bough once proposed to Judy? Imagine how different the world would have been if she’d accepted.