Despite my best laid plans, we’re still in Salt Lake City on account of my nine wives (yes, I’ve married a few more fine Utah women since yesterday) who can’t agree on what to pack for the rest of the holiday. I’m beginning to see the down side to this polygamy, one being the number of hotel rooms I’ve been trying to book at our next stop out in California. Angela (she’s my eighth wife) mentioned that she has relatives out there so we’re going to see if they have room for us but it might be the case that I’ll have to spend the rest of my holiday with wives spread out all about all over the city. As for Judy (you might remember her as my first wife, though I’m already finding it terribly easy to lose her in the crush), she’s coping quite well and I think she’s enjoying having some other women to chat to about my many (supposed) deficiencies.
Oh, now wife number four is calling me. That’s either Kerry or Tabitha. But before I go, I have more Utah facts for you. Did you know that Utah is owned by the Osmonds? They’re big in the local council and each have special responsibilities. Donny is in charge of local sanitation department and we’ve already spotted him climbing out of the drains. Marie runs the police, we I discovered when she pulled us over this morning in her role as deputy sheriff. She wanted to be sure our marriage licenses were in order which, in this country, you have to carry with you at all times. Anybody found without a valid marriage license will be escorted to the local church and issued with one, whether they have a wife or not. Finally, did you know that Utah sits on the largest natural deposit of salt in the world, yet the locals boast of having the lowest blood pressure in the whole of the United States?