Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Open Orifice

I write out of sheer exhaustion and an unnerving desire to delay my bed. It is strange that when I'm at the peak of mental and physical exhaustion, I also find myself wanting to leave a mark on my blog.

As to that mark: it's merely to say that I'm still up here in the land where all vowels are nasal and the streets lined with trams. Another day in Manchester was spent learning the intricacies of 'Master Documents' within Open Office. It's hard to truly describe the insights this work provides other than to warn you to never unlink subdocuments from within another subdocument. Experience has taught me the perils of being so free and easy with the unlink button. My PC crashed for the fourth time in as many minutes today and a frown developed on my CreaseFree brow.

On a more positive note, I have been extremely rash in the face of my imminent pay cheque and squandered too much money on a new MP3 player with the intention of going the Bluetooth route with a pair of headphones. I spend most of my time between 6.40 and 8AM trying to untangle myself from the binding of my headphone cord as I try to extract train tickets from wallets. I dream of a future which is cord free. I also see myself scowling through the streets, my blue reefer jacket turned up around my ears as I listen to Serge Gainsbourg amid the delights of Manchester's Chinatown. The MP3 player is Korean. In addition to having a taste for dog, it also fits snugly into my pocket and is currently adorned with a nice full colour picture of Vanessa Feltz. The touch screen feels all the more touchy when there's three inches of cleevage on show. It also contains have a dozen episodes of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' which provide something of an antidote to Open Office, whose manuals are rather light on laughs.

And that, I think, is that. I don't know what's brought me to post this other than to apologise (again) for my silence and for my inability to reply to your comments, which continue to give me the only shred of consolation in these trying days. I occasionally manage to use my laptop in my daily tasks and your emails/comments pop up in the corner of the screen. I sneak a glance that way and I feel refreshed.

As for the College of Comedy: I've not been feeling at all funny and for the last week I've been suffering a terrible block. Tuesday I managed to write a few words which might develop into something on Friday when the week's labours are at an end. Not now, I'm now retiring to bed. I have to be up again in half an hour... Or it feels that way.

13 comments:

Swearing Mother said...

Just popped by to say hi, Richard.

You don't sound too good at the moment. Don't worry, all will be well.

xx

lee said...

Oh, I'm glad when you don't blog like a madman -it's the only way I can keep up with it all :). Hope all's well with you and hope you might get a good rest.

The Twitch said...

Dick...When I offered to share my medication with you, I did not mean anything narcotic, only the addictive high that comes from reading a good book.Nothing can lift, light up & inspire like literature. "The Poetical& Dramatic Works of Oliver Goldsmith M.B." came to mind, 'Tis an early edition that I was given for Easter and is yours to borrow if you ever tire of reading "Open Office". If you require something a little stronger to lift your mancy mood may I suggest lending you "Confessions of an English Opium Eater".....it gives a good account of medication & Manchefter.

mutleythedog said...

I think you like to blog when ill and exhausted as you have a grave fear of mortality and you are worried you might die in the night... I am often in Manchester where Ilike to visit the Gay Village - I am sure you would like a break from the terrifying forms of Judy and Vanessa.

bertas said...

Tsss it seems it is doing the rounds, I have been down in the dumps over the last few days...
however onwards and upwards, inhale exhale... well one tries anyway :)
Go on cheer up, if you do there might be a chance I might cheer up as well :)
Bugger bollocks, the only thing that lifts the gloom is a daily dose of Gordon Ramsay... I have developed a rather severe case of potty mouth...

Katherine said...

Bluetooth is certainly the future. I'm pretty sure that i read somewhere once that someone out there in the world is developing a Bluetooth jumper, with which people can exchange hugs with each other from anywhere in the world.

Hope you feel better soon xxx

Selena Dreamy said...

It is strange that when I'm at the peak of mental and physical exhaustion, I also find myself wanting to leave a mark on my blog.

I’m with Mutley on this one, it’s the craving to self-perpetuate at the moment of death!

...and a frown developed on my CreaseFree brow.

so much for Botox, then, Richard!


...something of an antidote to Open Office, whose manuals are rather light on laughs.

excellent! Grist for the College of Comedy...

D.

The Twitch said...

Selena D...as a woman of substance you should know that Dick's creaseless brow is a miracle of nature.... Dick is naturally high browed

The Twitch said...

Rather than needing botox, methinks Dick could do with a touch more make-up.

Ms Baroque said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ms Baroque said...

Sorry Dick, that's me deleting my comments - I just want to say I'm sorry I've been neglecting you lately, but your blog is looking swell! All this talk of dry spells, I think they can lead to greater things. I wouldn't worry. And I know what it is to be an artist with technological problems - for the creativity, they are often worse than the psychological ones.

I hope everything's moving along offline, and am - as I said in my deleted comment - almost crestfallen to find the blog looking so spruce without my ministering visits!

I promise to do better.

elberry said...

That sounds all too familiar, the last 4 years of my life. Well, the exhaustion and sense of pointlessness and death; the hellish commutes i left behind me in 2004 when i moved to the big city.

You have my sympathies. The bugger of it is that the regular Joes who just want a bigger desk and company car have no idea how exhausting and sickening regular type work is for anyone with an imagination. They just think you're lazy or grumpy when in fact you're a formula one sports car being used to tow caravans, and so, understandably, not at your best.

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