Saturday, 1 March 2008

My Letter to Lola's Mum

Dear Lola's Mum,

So, your daughter tells me that that you don't believe that I exist. And just when I thought my week couldn't get any worse... Just when the Press break the news that I've really been away serving in Afghanistan, now my existence is being brought into question. Even the Taliban were never this cruel.

I really don't know how to prove that I do exist. Judy tells me that I exist. Only this morning, she told me that I'd existed too long in bed and I should get up before Cilla arrived to help Judy with her music lessons.

Bill Oddie told me I exist when he rang me to ask if I'd be interested in sponsoring a bumble bee for the new SpringWatch Pollination Challenge. He wanted me to sponsor a bee for 50p per bloom but we settled on a penny per stigma. He then asked me what the noise was in the background. I explained that it was Cilla singing one of her old hits while Judy backed her on the trombone.

I also know I exist because I'll be soon modelling my pyjamas over at Nourishing Obscurity's Great Night Wear Parade.


So, Lola's Mum, the evidence would suggest that I do exist but if you require any more evidence, check out Monday's show. I'll give you a very special look to camera just after the first break. You'll know it's me because I'll nod my head and give you a wink as I introduce the next segment.


All my love,

Richard

22 comments:

bertas said...

Heaven help me... these pjs are just a tad bit too loud :)
You know what that reminds me of? Delboy's robe, that garish green thingy that didnt cover his bottom... oh deary me Richard, thanks for the giggles :)

Richard Madeley said...

Giggles? What giggles? This was meant to be my sexy treat to all my regular readers and Lola's Mum.

okbye said...

Oh no, those are great jammies. The kind that makes you want to rub them aaaaall over.

Lola said...

Mr Madeley, you are a true gent. All the evidence necessary to establish your existence is paraded for all to read. And yet... my mother is a very down-to-earth practical type, who brooks no nonsense and spurns trivia. She watches no television except programmes that are in some way educational, and unfortunately there is no way that R&J can meet this criterion. If I were to direct her to this post, her response would be "It's stupid" - which was the previous verdict. And anyway, I'm not sure that we have to convince her, although I'm so touched that you tried.

The Twitch said...

Dick..I think we should take Lola's mum with on the roadtrip to Blackpool.She sounds like she needs some fun in the sun....to help her see....reality is'nt all its cracked up to be.

Bretwalda Edwin-Higham said...

You actually exist, Richard? But the box is a figment, is it not?

Richard Madeley said...

Okbye, is that an offer? I mean, I might have an hour or two available later this week...

Lola, 'it's stupid'? What's stupid? Surely not my blog? Those words cut me to my quick. If only I knew what my 'quick' was, I might be able to patch it. However, can't you explain to your mother the wisdom of that great man, The Twitch, further down these comments. Reality isn't what it's cracked up to be. There need to be more men after my own spirit.

The Twitch, never before have you been so profound. Whatever medication you're on at the moment, keep on with them. You're turning into quite the philosopher. (By the way, we'll be picking you up at 10.30. Can you remember to bring the ski masks and extra electrical tape like you promised?)

Bretwalda, surely you don't question my existence too? I don't see what people find so difficult to comprehend. Is it that my sex appeal is so great that you all think it fake?

The Twitch said...

Dick...my bags are packed and I am ready to hit the road. ...I've made us all some yummy egg mayonaisse sandwiches for the journey. Blackpool here we come!

The Twitch said...

....and yes I have the electrical tape but have substituted the ski masks for gas masks as i thought they might come in more useful on the journey....to protect us from the eggy mayonaise emissions.

All Shook Up said...

I always stop off here for a healthy dose of gritty reality among the less believable blogs around (no names, you know who you are).

I shall take that wink as being for me, too!

okbye said...

Sure Richard. You pay the airfare and I'll rub you anywhere you like. ;)

See above! said...

Please big Dicky, how is a girl supposed to get her work done when she can view pictures like this one???
It's all too much.... ;)

m.a. said...

Oh Mr. Madeley,

You've made Monday in America very, very special.

;)

ma

Mrs McAvoy's Buzz said...

hhmm...
just saw that bottle is very strategically placed ;)

What does Judy think about you posting such photos??

Bretwalda Edwin-Higham said...

After viewing your sartorial elegance with a great deal of envy, all doubts have been removed.

mutleythedog said...

I was worried about you yesterday - you seemed a bit tired - not at all your usual self. Has Bll Oddie been keeping you up at night again?

Richard Madeley said...

Twitch, I hope you enjoyed yourself. I'm still having problems with my vision. That midget was not very forgiving...

All Shook Up, 'gritty realism'. I think you've summed me up quite well. I'm all about grit and realism.

MA, I'm here to please. I'm glad you like the photo. Some people think it a tad ostentatious but it's just my life. 'Gritty realism' as its grittiest.

See Above, well I'd suggest that you don't 'look below'. I'm only sexy fellow in silk.

Mrs. McAvoy's Buzz, can I just call you Mrs. McAvoy? What does Judy think? Who do you think took the photo? As to the bottle, it was meant to be a subtle phallic symbol but the fact you've spotted it means that it can't be that subtle. It was Bill Oddie's idea.

Bretwalda, I'm still disappointed that my photograph didn't win prizes. Very disappointed.

Mutley, you're very right. I'm not myself at the moment. I miss posting every day. I miss the comments. I miss you all. It's 'Eye of the Storm 2'. As you say, you think you're worse off because you're unemployed but you should have the luxury of time to write. I've lost that. Although I only work a couple of days, it's hard work staring at a screen and it takes me days for my eyes to recover. I'll be wearing glasses within a few months at this rate and what will that do for my good looks?

Magicchick said...

As a friend of Lola and her Mum I am most encouraged to see that you are reassuring her.Thanks for this and the pjs pic!

okbye said...

I don't think Lola's mom exists.

UBERMOUTH said...

I am telling Judy that you flirt wiht all the girls here!
That'll teahc you for not picking me for You Say We Pay.

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