Monday, 7 April 2008

Amateur Hour

Bill Oddie advised me to ignore it and mention owls instead. Stephen Fry sniffed a scornful nostril of huff at the very thought of humbling oneself before the people at the Beeb. Judy just looked nervously around the room and then whispered ‘do they need to know?’ It is a good question but one I’m still struggling to answer.

It’s my ‘writing CV’, you see. I don’t have one. Having spent most of my career in front of the cameras, I haven’t enough writing credits to my name. I started to jot down my résumé at one minute past two and finished thirty seven seconds later when I couldn't decide if making a plumb tart with Antony Worrall Thompson live on ITV counted as a ‘professional production’. The fact that I’m now ready to send my competition entry to the BBC’s 'College of Comedy' means nothing if I don’t have a CV.

As you know, the irony of this is that I am Mr. Comedy. I’ve starred in more funny YouTube videos than any other living man except for David Hasselhoff. My impression of Ali G is in the Comedy Hall of Fame. I’ve also studied comedy, theorised comedy and I’ve interviewed many of the greatest comedians, including Lenny Henry, Les Dennis, and John Leslie. I’ve also written 190,000 words on this blog in addition to screenplays, sitcoms, novels, short stories, and poems. And I still maintain the seriousness of my intention to get my ‘Epistle to Jeremy Paxman on the Stat of His Sock Drawer’ included in the next Oxford Book of Comic Verse.

I’m now at the stage where I wonder if I shouldn’t be as creative with my CV as I have been with my script. I was thinking of something along the lines of: ‘at a recent performance of my slapstick routine in Manchester, I was widely applauded, with more people laughing at my antics more than those of the professional mime artist who shared my billing.’ By which you know that I mean to say: I recently fell over in the middle of the street, much to the amusement of Manchester’s shoppers.

Speaking of which, I find myself with a few days before I head back up to that fine city. Having finished proofreading the script to ‘Eye of the Storm 2’ last week, on Thursday I begin work on ‘Eye of the Storm 3’. We will be introducing a whole new range of climatic conditions to the show as we explore gusts and gales. However, before I fall silent, I wanted to say thanks to the people who have written to me lately. I’ve had some very generous responses to my friend’s problems regarding his publisher. Nothing has yet come of it and nothing might ever come of it. However, it’s always reassuring to know that there are people out there willing to help the friend of a multimillionaire television presenter. You all have my thanks and need only ask if there’s anything I can do for you.*

* This does not include: financial assistance, publishing deals, babysitting, lifts, proofreading, help with tax forms, catering, cups of sugar, borrowing my lawn mower, or any other yet-to-be-determined duties.


Anonymous said...

speaking of comedians... have you seen this?

Richard Madeley said...

Anonymous, I've seen it now and I've left a note. How dare she! If more people thought of Judy and I in bed, the world would be a better place. Doesn't she know that we're the John and Yoko of the new millennium?

Richard Madeley said...

And here is a shorter link to the article. I suggest we all go over there and complain.

Anonymous said...

AHAHAHHAHAHAH John and Yoko!!! Really!

Oh was that your best shot? Come onnn... I dare you :P

But Ade has that charm.... there's no denying!
And Jennifer is simply gorgeous!

Richard Madeley said...

I know, Anonymous. It was pretty poor shot and I can only apologise. It's just that I've been polishing my script all day and I'n now a bit preoccupied with getting my CV finished.

Perhaps it's also that I'm really a Jennifer Saunders fan. However, I will make a note to write about bedtime in the Madeley household and I will address my complaint to Jennifer the next time I see her.

Joana said...

It's me, Anonymous (noticed I could add a name now... I really need to work on my attention span)

Oh apologies accepted. You were really a gentleman! And I am indeed a Jennifer fan aswell" It's good to know we have that in common. And I've read your blog and I find it quite interesting! I shall come back to read further entries.

And I can't wait for the bedtime note! A proper neo-john-and-yoko couple!
Just please don't grow a beard and stay in bed for a year.
The Show Must Go On!

bertas said...

Glad to see you are feeling a bit more cheerful old chum... I'll send you an email a bit later on, I found something for you...
In regards to CV it is all about embellishment... I have a friend who works in HR training or something of the sort, the stuff she did with my CV honestly :) So if a professional says it is about that then yup by all means embellish :)

Richard Madeley said...

Joanna, so nice to put a name to your anonymity. But what do you mean: quite interesting? I'd prefer you to say 'riveting stuff'. You should go back to beginning and read everything I've written. I've not been on form lately. I was much chirpier in my youth.

Bertas, embellishment it is then, though, to be fair, it's not in my nature to boast.

Joana said...

I am so sorry for my lack of eloquency! Your blog is probably the best blog online!
We're all much chirpier as youngsters (I can't really justify that, I'm only 19... a mere child), but I must say your sense of humour and all-knowingness (if there is such a word) amazes me still.
No worries, the time when Sir Richard Madeley bows out is still to come!

A question:
Are you a fan of Mr. Edmondson aswell or only Mrs. Edmondson?

Richard Madeley said...

Joana (forgive my extra 'n' earlier), I'm a fan of Adrian too, though I think he's got much less range than his better half. There is only so much mileage to be got from hitting people over the head with a range of ironmongery.

I'm not a fan of The Vicar of Dibley, though. Nor am I smitten with Dawn French, but that could just be due to my belief that Lenny Henry is the comedy anti-Christ.

Joana said...

Absolutely forgiven for the extra 'n'. It's a common mistake, I don't even notice anymore...
I'm not from England, you see.

Aww it's a pity to know yo're not smitten with the lovely Dawn French! Althought I must agree (but not to the extreme of the anti-christ) about Lenny Henry.

Oh, and by the way, I did complain on the article. Just a little comment.

A friend of mine suggested you to give your personal views (or just read) on this forum ( I think it would be hilarious to have your say, so I thought I'd give it a go and show you the link. I'm sorry for her crazy thoughts though. She shall be smacked in the bottom for bothering you.

Anonymous said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

Anonymous said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,