And hello Stan Madelyites! What that fool, Uncle Dick, failed to remember was that I, Stan Madeley, still know Dick's password to access this blog and I can now clarify a few points erroneously made by my namesake and nemesis.
I am indeed appearing on Radio 4 tomorrow morning between 9 and 10 but the decision not to appear with Dick was made entirely by myself with encouragement from my wife, Sandra (54), who, she would like it made known, invented the whole fish through the letterbox ploy, as well as any ploy involving an iron perched perilously on a bedroom door, a wheelbarrow down the stairs, or hot fiery pins in the y-fronts.
The wonderfully spry, witty, and double-jointed J.P. Devlin did indeed join me on my tour of North West working men’s clubs yesterday and we met up in Warrington where I was playing the Parr Hall with my new four-piece cabaret jazz band/thrash metal combo, Halitosis Jones, named after our bassoonist who can be sure to clear out the front four rows before we’ve finished opening with ‘In The Mood’.
Listen in as I set a few things straight such as why I am entirely correct in my accusation that lapdancers tattoos make them squeak more on their poles, why coal should be reclassified as a root vegetable, and I explain how I’d solve Greek debt in three easy steps beginning with hostage taking, a weekend in Vegas, and putting everything on red.