Monday

I have an appointment at a local job agency on Monday morning. Because of my celebrity, I’ve been putting this off for too long. It was only Bill Oddie promising to come with me and provide modal support that convinced me to ring them and make the appointment.

This depressing thought (the appointment, not Oddie’s involvement) means that I can’t be bothered writing today. Instead I thought I’d canvass you for job ideas for a man of my unique qualities. You must bear in mind that I have a low boredom threshold and would like a job involving high levels of creativity. I can work unbelievably hard when motivated to do so, and I’m very prolific in my ideas. I don’t want to deal with the general public and routine ‘office work’ would lead me to take a jump off the end of a knotted rope within the month. Money doesn't motivate me in except insofar as if I'm going to be giving up my writing career (something that even more of you seem keen on, judging by the current poll), I want to be paid well to do so. I quite like the idea of getting into advertising but wouldn’t know where to begin.