A Pubic Apology

‘Ignorance is no excuse,’ said Judy ten minutes ago. I replied that I thought it was. I thought ignorance was the only excuse…

Dear readers. You find me with a deep purple hue on my cheek, the blush of shame on my chin. I have an apology to make to you. Although this wasn’t actually my fault, I feel like I’ve corrupted you all. In years to come, when asked when you developed your fetish for clowns, Tammy Wynette, and spacehoppers, you’ll blame me. You’ll say: Richard Madeley did this to me. He showed me pictures when I’d only gone to read about Frank Carson.

Checking on my site’s feed this afternoon, I discovered that a number of the photographs I’d used to illustrate my earlier posts had mysteriously changed. In a scandal bigger than the ‘You Say We Pay’ fiasco, innocent illustrations had been altered to depict – how shall I put this – rutting, mating, mounting and dismounting. Some of the changes were along the lines of the surreal. A picture of Tammy Wynette had become a pan of spaghetti on the boil. A tin of prunes had become a two circus clowns waving to camera. Dennis Hopper had become a space hopper. Much more disturbing was the picture of Frank Carson. It had become a plump woman enjoying a pleasurable time with two gentlemen from that fine city of Wellhung, Bavaria.

Actually, there were three pornographic images on my blog. I can only apologise if they offended you. This came as a great shock to me and put me off my lunch. You must have been wondering what kind of man I am; illustrating my Appreciation Society with images of ladies with well shaves armpits. In my opinion, men with large moustaches and no clothes have no place on the internet. They certainly have no place of the Richard Madeley Appreciation Society. And I don’t care how big they are.

I can only apologise, apologise, and apologise again. I didn’t quite understand how to include pictures into those early posts and had accidentally ‘hot linked’ to images not under my control. They’ve now been deleted and I’m installing measures to ensure that images of grinning men and ladies with tattooed ankles can never take over this family friendly blog.