Watch Me!

Well, tonight’s the night! I hope you’ve all had your satellites installed, your dishes aligned, your fibre optics buried. Judy has taken her best knees out of storage and expects the evening to be a huge success. As for the humblest man in the room: I’ve memorised a thousand new facts and had my tonsils scraped for the occasion. I fully expect to regale David Walliams with trivia as exciting as the fact that the Ancient Egyptians invented yogurt and that sardines are the national fish of the Netherlands.

Remember to watch Watch at 8pm tonight. If you like shiny knees and polished tonsils, you will not be disappointed.