Horseradish

I spent the weekend doing a modeling gig for GQ Magazine. Can’t say I was that impressed by the photographer. I didn’t mind taking off my shirt for the shoot but I wasn’t sure that being totally covered in horseradish is how I like the public to see me. It’s why I’m in a rush today. I’ve had a terrible reaction and my skin has begun to blister. I’m off to see this guy that Dr. Raj (or I should say, Professor Raj) has recommended. I only hope I can get there before I shed my nipples and half my right shoulder.

So, some quick facts about skin before I go. Did you know that 95% of all dust is made from human skin and that the other 5% is dried toenail? Skin is not actually pink but pale blue but the light reacts with blood vessels and gives it a reddish colour. In Hollywood, so much skin is removed during plastic surgery that there’s a special dump north of Beverly Hills were it’s buried. The Joan River’s Memorial Earlobe Gardens were opened on the site last year as part of a scheme to help the pit blend in with the local environment. Rumours that Leslie Nielsen's jowls have begun to reproduce have been strongly denied.